Memoirs

3.39am
somewhere in Mandaluyong




These past few nights have left me sleepless.  As much as I would like to put brakes on time, the clock continues to tick and I tread along, attending to Ex's family's needs, explaining to friends/acquaintances what transpired these past couple of days and the plans for the succeeding days, entertaining a guest, and doing my best at office not to let emotions get in the way of work.. but as night time beckons for me to go home, I'm hit with the cold reality that he is gone.. and I am back where I started.  Alone.


I think to cope.  I remember to treasure.


Lately, I have been trying to recall when our last movie date was, and what movie that was. All I can remember was we were at Shangrila that time, that I presented my Cineplex card and the cashier informed me it was expired already.  The last time I used that card was when Shrek2 was shown. hehe  That was a long time ago.  We had shifted watching movies from Shang to MOA.  I don't know why, definitely not because the latter's movie house is better.  Maybe because Ex likes to roam about the shops prior to watching the movies, or that I like the long drive to get to MOA and catch up with him along the way.  Maybe.


I recall our first movie date.  He kept on reminding me then. hehe It was Startrek, he would say.  I simply forgot.  All I can muster was we were to meet after that night in BED. I had thought it would just be like any ordinary date, faceless.  I didn't realize, he would touch my life.


I was just wearing my brown folded n hung shirt, shorts, cap and slippers.  He was wearing jeans, Adidas shoes and his leather jacket.  He had fixed his hair then.  hehehe He would more than once narrate to me how he felt that day.. He had placed in great effort to look good on our first date and that I look plain. Hahahahahaha That probably singled me out from his fleet of dates as well :)


I think I was the first to arrive at the Cineplex, sat at one of the stools near the popcorns, and waited for him.  When I saw his face, I was kilig.  I was already counting pang-ilan trophy bf ko na kaya to?  Shallow.  I was at my prime then, so I can afford to dismiss him had he shown some faults.  Again, shallow.  I didn't give any clue that I was interested in him, hence the 'dress-down' effect, and even to this day, I would never tell him that.


That was May 10.


Bothered still, I scanned my older posts in FB and I did post my last movie date with Ex.  It was the Rite, starred by Anthony Hopkins.  I recalled I had wanted to post my review comments here but I didn't find time to do so.  Time.  That word again.

We had fun that night.  I recalled we walked all the way from Shang to his place, and we simply talked.  Talked about nonsense.  About the unpredictable twist in the movie and it's possibility of it being true.. then we talked about our plans to move in after my contract expires.  How we would like our place to be, a loft-typed condo so that he could still continue to practice his photography downstairs without disturbing me while I sleep.  It was a cold night, but it felt good.  It felt warm to be with him that night.


That was February 8.  He left me March 8.  A month.


I sooooo want to talk to him.  I want to know if he is happy now, or is he lost.. Will candles light his way to wherever he is going?  Coz if so, I'd light a million and one.. ;(

When I see your face (pick-up lines Chapter 8)

May 9, 2009
Bed. 1am.


"San ka banda?", I texted.


"Sa may stage, I'm with friends", he responded.


We were to met up that night.  After a month of being textmates, it was only then that I'd get to see him, as fate may have chanced upon us that night.


"Ok, puntahan kita dyan"


We became acquainted with each other via the defunct G4M.  Time would erase my memory on who messaged whom, but my initial reaction when I saw his face was, "sh#@t! sya ata yung naka sayaw ko last February nung may nag-pick.pocket sa cellphone ko".  Still, I entertained him, probably out of curiousity, plus he was gorgeous.  He later would boast that he looked like Will Devaughn hehe


When I saw him, I felt backing out.  He was surrounded by his friends (and he stood out from the pack) and I was intimidated.  I summoned my courage and said hi.  Aba! Nod lang ang napala ng beauty ko!! Dispirited, I went back to where I was stationed (near the aircon, matutunaw na kasi MAC ko, hehehe).


"Oh, san ka na?", he texted.


"I went back to my place.  Papalamig ako, masyado mainit dyan sa dancefloor"


Ok was his only response.  So I guess, he wasn't interested in me.  


2.30am


The crowd was already in celebratory mode when I chanced upon this guy in front of me.  He was swaying his hips in front of me, with blue frog taking it's toll on me, I began to respond.  He turned around and we continued to dance.


Ralf: 'Hi'


Hush: 'Hiya!' (masyado ata napalakas hehe)


R: 'You're cute'


H: 'I know' (sh#t! ang yabang ko! hehe I was frustrated and I welcomed any compliment)


R: 'You wanna go to my place?'


H: 'Where?'  His face was so near mine, I could smell the alcohol he drank.


R: 'Makati, kaw ba saan ka?'


H: 'Ortigas..'  


Ralf was about to kiss me when my peripheral vision caught someone staring at me.  It was he-who-ignored-me.


H: 'Sorry.. my boyfriend's back'  


I left Ralf, taken-aback by my sudden change of heart.  I hurriedly scurried towards him.


H: 'Hi Marxus.  Nice to see you here!' (was my lame greeting)


M: 'Oh bakit di mo tinuloy paghalik sa kanya?'


H: 'With whom?' (was my pathetic response)


M: (pinpointing) 'That guy in shock'


H: 'Oh. THAT guy. He's nothing. Care to have some blue frog?' (effort to have that puppy-eyed look)


M: 'Smart move.  Nag.aantay lang ako if hahalikan mo sya, then alis na ako'


H: 'Nah.  I would rather kiss you'


He let me kissed him that night.  That night I met my Honey.  Marxus.


I never knew that after 20 months, he would leave me for good.  We parted ways last November 8, but we remained good friends.  He remained my constant movie-buddy, we would argue which movie to watch, often, it was I who relented to his requests (coz mostly I want to watch the Tagalog flick hehehe he was traumatized with Kimmy Dora)..   I spent Christmas with him after that.  We went up to Baguio again this January.  He was supposed to be with me for the last Panagbenga, but he was already hospitalized. We were supposed to move-in together after my contract expires on April.. 


He often kidded, if he passed away, will I cry.. I would respond, no.. But events would cruelly twist to this day.. and my heart bleeds of his loss.. and I cry a thousand buckets that no amount of words could comfort..  I lost a partner today.




This is my ode to him.  Bubhye na please… ;(




Hushkins, please can you say a short prayer for his safe journey?  That would be very much appreciated..

Mean Hush (pick-up lines Chapter 6)

Che.lu
2.18.11
1am




One month since I last went to Malate.  One month! haha  The planned gimmick to Palawan2 in Cubao didn't materialize as Fern's Aussie friend ditched us in lieu of his newfound love.  'Ganyan naman talaga yan si Gerard.  Everything changes pag nakakita ng lalaki, even when we were in Australia'.


Whatever.  I had a long day, 9am to 12mn of meeting and work.  I wanted to drink, simply drink.  We didn't want to spoil the night and proceeded to Malate.  Malate, Malate, here we comç. ♪ ♫ ♪  


Not so crowded tonight, I mused.


I was on my 6th Ice, when I noticed someone staring at me.  He casually strode to some guys beside me (didn't know they were his friends), had a small chit-chat with them, and suddenly turned around to talk to me.  Shocking! hahaha


Bong: 'I like you'


Hush: 'hahaha' (I don't, he looked old na banat)


B: 'I like your shirt.  It's Chinese for love' 


H: 'So your chinese ha.  Ni haw ma?? hahaha'


B: 'You want some tequila? I'll buy tequila' 


He ordered them and introduced me to his bestfriend, whose name left my mind immediately after the formalities.  Duh.  They were old. hahahaha  I wanted to try how it feels like to be a pokpok. hahahahaha


Bong was talking to someone when the drinks arrived.  Aba! To my mortification, he offered the drink to the guy!  Puttanesca! 


Ferns: 'Oh, I thought those were for you? Sabihin mo, bawiin mo! hahaha'


I stared at Bong, but he acted as if he didn't notice.  Ganon.


I grabbed hold of Bong's bestfriend, and danced with him.


BF: 'Naku, baka magalit si Bong'


H: 'hmmm… how long have you been bestfriends with him?'


BF: 'Tagal na.' (smiling)


H: 'What if I tell you I prefer you over him?'


He pulled back and studied me.  I smiled coyly.  Peripheral vision would tell me Bong was staring at us.  He was hesitating whether or not to approach us.


H: 'I want to kiss you'  He obliged.  Bong's eyes literally grew. hahahaha


Later.


B: 'Why'd you kiss my bestfriend?'


H: 'Oh.  I thought you weren't interested in me.  You gave my drink to that guy.'


B: 'Let's order another round!'


H: 'Hahaha'.  I left him.


Later sa later.


B: 'I want to take you home with me'


H: 'Hahahaha'  I ditched him. hahahaha


Mean him.  Meaner me.  :)


hush hush for now** 

2011 Valentine Bearista - US version (102nd edition)

cuddling in my sofa

 Ex's friend came to visit Manila and we met him up at Bayview Hotel, along Roxas Boulevard.  I was wondering why he was staying at that place, then I realize, it's just across the US Embassy, so if anything happens to him, he'll just cross the street and complain. hehehehe


As I've blogged before, I'm not a huge fan of the female version of the Starbucks bearista, but since there is no male version released for the month of hearts, I had no right to complain as it is a pasalubong :) hehehe  I gladly accepted the gift with open arms.


The US version is similar to that released in Asia. The main difference is the former carries a love letter, addressed to "the one I love", while the latter had warmers on.  Well… it's tooooooo girly :) hehehehehehe


Happy Valentine's again!! :) mwah mwah!!

awwwwww

Free Starbucks Via only today!! :)

Location: Starbucks Manila Bayview Hotel




I started the day right by dropping by at a Starbucks coffee shop and to my surprise, they are giving out free sachet of Starbucks Via, everytime you purchase a cup of coffee.  I haven't tried their VIA brand and I'm looking forward to stirring one at the office :) and the barista was kind enough to give out 2 sachets to me. Yehey! :)


 Go and grab one, only for today, Happy ♥ day, hushkins! :)

Leche Flan!!

I haven't had time to open my blog as of late, but to my utter surprise, the lay-out changed!! It is soooo.. not right!! Foo tah! Sige kog katawa sa lay-out! And the culprit is Rori! Hmf!


Di ko nahan del!! It's sooo girly!! Flowers and hearts?? Sabotage man ni uy!! hmf!! hahahaha I'm guessing you are laughing your silly ass now, are you?? hmf!  hahaha


I don't know if I'm going to get pissed or tawa lang ko. Leche Flan! I realized kay tungod Valentines Day mao na motif ha? Bayot kayu uy! hahahaahahaha  Bantay lang ka ig abot nimo diri!! Manimaws lang gud ko! hahahaha  Baws baws lang! hahaha


:p

Not My Kind of Pose

(Warning: May contain scenes not suitable for very young hushkins, reader discretion is advise)

Let me introduce Fren.

His relationship went south sometime October of 2010 and as mortals, we look for outlets to forget about the pain and strugglingly move on.  Fren heeded to Mother's advise and was embraced welcomely in her Planet called Romeo.  Because Fren was blessed with good genes, his hands were kept busy by the constant buzz and footprints to catch his attention.  'Masyado ka ata flawless sa main pic mo!', was my constant banter.

Kian Enzo

And it was to no surprise that Fren came across pretty-boy Kian Enzo.  It was 'love at first sight' for dear Fren.  Kian, per my friend's narration, was a drop-out from LaSalle Taft, and a Malate bystander.  Kian asserted that he had connections in Malate, so it would be futile for Fren to make up alibis if he is within the area, and because Fren wanted to gain the trust of Kian, the former discloses his whereabouts to the latter.

Kian informed him that he wanted to straighten his old ways and had decided to finish his degree at the University of Baguio.  He was just a semester away from graduating his course and by then, he will relocate again to Manila.  Fren was ecstatic upon hearing this.  Finally, he'll get the chance to meet his dream boy :)  HIs beb. :)


I told Fren straightforward, 'Uy, pwede ko sya hiramin for one hour lang? Wag ka naman madamot!', and relentlessly teased him, 'Aba, mahilig ka na rin pala sa trophy boyfriend!!', which I am known for. haha  Fren just responded with a giggle.  Puttanesca, I was both happy and envious with the luck he stumbled upon.  Swerte!


Fren's brother went up to Baguio one sunny day to celebrate his relationship's anniversary.  Fren texted Kian to meet his brother, but Kian begged off as he was too shy to talk to his brother… hmmmmm….


Because I am curious in nature, I told Fren to introduce me to Kian over the phone.  The initial reaction I had was, 'bakit boses Inday Garutay eto'.  I mean, the way we do things in our courtship is we try to impress each other with our husky or bedroom voice, but definitely not our Garutay voice.  Still, I gave Kian the benefit of doubt.


Hush: 'Pare, rinig ko raw maganda sa Nevada'


Kian: 'Oo, sa Fridays or Hex kami palagi nagtatambay'


H: 'Talaga?  Sabi nga ni Fren na somebody tried to offer you a drink, pero you blatantly refused it, bakit naman?'


K: 'Eh ayoko eh.  I can afford to buy my own drink'


Ang Taray ng bruha!  Gusto ko sya sabunutan.  Cute naman sabi ni Fren.  Hay, the adjectives we use when we are infatuated. hahaha


H: 'O, punta kami sa x ko dyan sa Baguio come Christmas, hope to see you there!'


K: 'Sinabi ko na kay Fren eh.  May family gathering kami sa Ilocos.  Sayang nga eh'


My eyebrow perched a bit.  Maybe a bit higher.  Somehow I smelled a rat, but I kept it to myself.


Came January 2011.  


Fren bought himself a new car and as a breakthrough test, we decided to go to Baguio.  The stars were aligning that week and pointed North.  He had wanted to name his car after  Kian, but later reconsidered as it might not turn out well and he'll get stuck with that name.  


Fren wanted to surprise Kian and tried to get his address at his apartment.  We were chasing him around the city but to no avail.  On Saturday night (January 22), we decided to go to Caffee Klutch (which is sooo nice by the way), which is near the place he was hanging out, Citycamp.  Text messages were thrown, as follows:


Kian: 'Beb, ba't parang ang lamig mo ngayon..'


Fren: 'I'm in Baguio now'


K: 'weeh. di nga?? Mabaog ka?' (Puttanesca, who the hell uses those words, mabaog?)


F: 'Di pa sabi mo love mo ko and love din kita, so ginawan ko ng paraan para magkita ta.  Now it's your turn to prove that you love me.  I'm at Caffee Klutch now with friends.  Andito din si Hush.  Di ba sabi mo malapit ka lang rito?'


K: 'Beb, wag ka ngang ganyan! Naiiyak na ako' (OA ha!)


F: 'Kaw ba talaga yung nasa friendster account na pinakita mo?'


K: 'Oo naman!'


F: 'Kasi noong una, ayaw mo i.meet brother ko, then ayaw mo din i.meet si Hush, ako na ang makipagkita sa yo.  And to prove that I am here, labas ka muna and silipin mo.  There's a baby blue and red car parked in front of the caffee.  You'll know that I am not lying'


K: 'Ayoko! Di ako nakabihis! Mabaog ka sana sa pinaggagawa mo!' 


I was already thinking, forcing him to meet Fren will not do the trick.  Clearly, he was not the Kian that Fren have come to love.  I was already realigning our strategy.


H: 'Fren, text mo sya na malambing way.  Tell him you still love him despite his appearance, kahit naka slippers or brief lang sya, minahal mo na sya'


And so the text messages sounded this way


F: 'Alam mo beb, mahal naman kita kahit ano pang itsura mo eh'


K: 'Naiiyak na talaga ako rito beb.. Alam mo naman na di talaga ako yung nasa picture di ba?'


The rat!  Our suspicions were right.


F: 'Oo naman.  I love you for what you are and for what you are not.' (ehem hehehe :) )


K: 'Eh pano kung mukha akong babae?'


We stopped dead in our tracks.  He can't be possibly serious, but why would he say that unless it's partially true??


F: 'Kahit mag mukha kang aswang, ok lang sa akin beb.  I've come to love you already..'


We were not able to meet the poser that night, but a little coaxing did the trick and he befriended Fren on Facebook.  You be the judge!!  Puttanesca!!

His name is Jam Mhie

I personally don't have any issues with the lifestyle or manner we choose in expressing ourselves, be it drag or closet or pa-mhen.  What bothers me is why do you need to use other people's picture to deceive other people into loving you, Jam?  If you are not happy with the way you look now, why choose that kind of persona?  It is utterly deceitful and conniving!


I'll end on my friend's post in FB:


"Someone just asked me if its possible for me to love a transgender...i said life is full of possibilities...Lahat may karapatan magmahal at mahalin kung anuman uri sya ng tao...pero di mu pilitin ang tao na gustuhin nya ang hindi nya naman gusto...my preference maybe different and thats justifiable...wat is not just is when u pretend to be someone else becos u wanted me to like u or to love u...thats foolish…:( "






Hush hush for now**