Saturday, October 2, 2010


'I don't believe in love; I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit. Love is something straight people tell themselves they're in so they can get laid, and then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with.'
  Brian Kinney, queer as folks

Sometimes I'm inclined to believe in Brian.  I often think that gays don't know how to love, that we let our balls rule our hearts, and not the other way around.  That everything revolves around lust, of satiating the need for flesh, that emotions are traded when the next cute guy comes along.  The need to troop down to Malate and check every guy's ass, dance and flirt, and though we are tagged as 'in a relationship', we excuse ourselves that we are just merely accompanying a lonely friend, or catching up with old acquaintances.. and when a hottie passes by, our eyes wander and we wonder, were we much in a rush to get hitched, or entertain the idea of why not be a cheat?

Whenever me and honey do malling, it's always certain that I see his eyes check out every dude that we encounter.  I don't mind (because I do the same thing), and I've come to accept that it is part of a complicated relationship that gays get into.  Probably if honey was my first bf, then I'd make tampo and be the cause of a petty fight, but it isn't just worth it.  Besides, it's not as if we are able to reach climax by staring at the guy!  I do know that some couples take measures on this, such as Fern's bf.  They had a huge fight when Fern's attempted to lock gaze at a certain cutie at the Mall of Asia.  Since then, they opted to do malling in Glorietta. hahahahaha

Do you guys check each other's mobile phones?  We don't.  Again, to avoid meaningless fights.  I don't want to initiate something which I am also guilty of.  It started when I was entertaining this cute barista and honey got hold of my cp and read it.  I did some alibi, which was pathetic, and ever since, we agreed not to mind our respective cps.  Hmmmm, unfortunately, I can't keep my hands to myself and often when honey's not looking, I checked his mobile, and though my heart aches at the flirty messages of hi's and hello's and queries of his whereabouts, again, I'm not that innocent.

Then, some gay acquaintance told me earlier that he does have a plan to wed a GIRL and bear offsprings.  I asked why?  His answer was simple.  'Who will take care of you when you or your partner gets old?  Admittedly, I love to suck but let's face it, we won't be young forever.'  So does this mean that our relationship is just superficial?  

So why do I continue to succumb to the idea of being in a relationship?  I don't know.  Look at Justin's perseverance to Brian in Queer.  But then again, it's just a series, for goodness sake! =(

Love. Lust and ... Lost.  Hush hush for now*