Saturday, December 25, 2010

My SMC day - Mewi Christmas, Hushkins!

Location: Baguio City

I decided to accompany Ex-honey off to his hometown, Baguio City for the Christmas season.   I had not much to do in the metropolis coz I have work after the 25th, so I figured going home to Cebu for the holidays would be onerous and expensive on my end.  Now that I'm part of the SMC gang (go figure), totodohin ko na ang pagiging malamig ng Christmas ko. hehehe  I'll make up to my family next year, promise. :(

A lot of my friends have been asking me why spend this day with Ex.  I honestly don't know. Do I still have feelings for him?  Yah, definitely, but not of love and lust.. uhm, probably I could reconsider the last part. hahaha Kidding.  For once, I just want to go with the flow.  No hidden agenda, just plain adventure.  I also would like to feel, just for once, how the summer capital spends its holidays.  Cold. hehehe  So what I'm feeling now is cold physically and emotionally, so in time, I'll come to appreciate the warmth that special someone may give to me someday. weeeeh :)

I'll end on this note (SMART bro sucks here in Baguio) and wish every one of my hushkins a merrily merry Christmas!!  May you enjoy this day and treasure the love ones besides you. *Hugs*

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Hushkins, can you feel the breeze of Christmas-y in the air? :)  The strong gust of wind that sends shivers down your spine and a corresponding desire to just hug someone and feel their warmth?   Ahhhhh… or baka lang kasi malakas electric fan ko kaya I'm shivering? hahahahaha :p

Rori and I discussed over the phone that my blog needs a facelift in time for the holidays.  Afterall, 3 more days before the big day!!  He said that the change will still bear the same theme (candles - for reasons I don't know why, but I sort of like it), but with a touch of the holiday spirit.  I gave him my password and I saw the new lay-out! :)  It's sooooo nice and warm and comforting to look at and the golden touch has always been my favorite motif.  I soo love gold and anything that resembles to the color hehehehe 

Well, I'm going to brag about Rori's work of artistry (again!) here.  He's such a genius in his craft and me on my craft also. hahahahaha hmf.

Happy holidays, hushkins, and happy thoughts! :)

PS - I soo love to go back to bed but but but!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Small Blog World

I've been meaning to write this post but I was hesitant at first.  I wanted to confirm from Ex-honey if my suspicions were correct and he affirmed it! hahahaha

Apparently, one of the few hushkins who bothers to read my rants in life is an ex of Ex! hahaha :) What a small world indeed.  Ex-honey doesn't know (or I think he doesn't know, rather) of this blog but I emailed him the picture and asked why I had his ex' picture.  I nonchalantly replied that I stumbled upon his ex' blog.  He asked whether he was mentioned in his blog, I replied I haven't gone through all of his entries but will check. hehe

So to you dear hushkin, cheers or jeers?!  I am pondering whether we should compare notes if we had similar issues with our Ex! hahahaha It made me realize that we are all connected in this circle of life (wish I know how to incorporate the song from Lion King after this post! tsk tsk).

Hush, hush for now*

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Puto and Tsokolate

I forced myself to wake up at 430am to attend the Dawn Mass.  I've been meaning to complete the 9 mornings and make my wish come true (tough luck) but I was able to attend only today.  Hay.

It's not really that I believe in the wishing part (really!) but I find attending to tradition gives me solemnity inside and out.  I have warm thoughts on my previous endeavors to complete the novena masses, and I could recall that I achieve this when I was about to take my licensure examination (hidden agenda?).  I was glad that my prayers were granted that time :)

I recalled that mama used to wake me up when I was younger to attend these masses.  I would be excited and even took a bath in freezing water back in Cebu.  The main agenda wouldn't be the mass in particular but the people attending to it.  I could remember anticipating whether RD was around, or checking if there's someone new in town.  I've cross fingers that I'd bump into someone like Piolo just like the movie he starred in with Donita! I still have the tenacity to scan the people around up to this day though! hehe

I would also look forward to what I would wear during the mass.  It was my chance to grab those jackets I have so I could flaunt it, as they are virtually useless with Cebu's scorching day heat!  I still do that to this day :)

It gives me comfort to see the effort made by lots of people to wake up early dawn to vigilantly complete these masses.  Yes, some might drowse off in the middle of the mass, which I got irritated before, but I realized, I shouldn't judge them.  They too might have made some sacrifice, and they may be nurses, call agents etc that came off from a shift too tired physically but the intention is there.  I am just glad that I have the opportunity to commune with Him on his big day! :)

OF course, I also anticipated before my mama's tsokolate matched with puto (not the puto here in Manila but the sticky white rice in Cebu)! Yum yum :9  I had to settle with the suman sold by manang outside the church, which was quite ok for my discriminating taste. hehehe

I miss tuloy my mama :( haaaaaaay.

Hush, hush for now**

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Romeo's Planet

After so many months of abstinence, I visited G4M, or what is now known as Planet Romeo.  I could never get used to the name and I find G4M easier to pronounce than PR, but hey, that's not the point of my blog tonight.  When I re-activated my account, lo and behold who I saw.. Ex-honey.

I just couldn't describe how I felt about it, but it was weird, and because I couldn't get over it, I'm going to write and try to digest why I felt weird about it.

I first met Ex through this channel (and first seen him in Bed, but that's another story), and back then we had agreed that we deactivate our respective accounts because, and ideally, we had each other.  I've always believed that G4 is a hunting ground and I could attest that will always be the cause of quarrel between 2 persons who've decided to commit to each other.  I kept my end of the deal.

Curiosity got the better side of me and I should have listened to old lore that curiosity kills the cat, because came December of last year, when I opened my account, he was there.  His lame excuse then was he was seeking for clients for his photography work.  He retorted, why was I also online and responded to really check if he kept his other side of the bargain, which was rebutted to trust issues, etc etc.  We decided to settle amicably.

When the road became tough for us sometime May of this year (which happened to be our anniversary), and we were on that cool off stage, Ferns showed me something which will forever scar my broken heart.  Ex online @ PR.  Ferns said he had seen him online for some time now and that he just kept mum about it and thinking it was the demise of our relationship that time, it was better that he showed it to me, so I too can move on.  It was the most terrible thing I felt.  I never thought Ex could move on that fast and I felt betrayed.  That night, I cried myself to sleep.

and because I had wanted to save the relationship (sayang kasi, one year na), I lowered my pride and asked him if it was he that was online.  Of course, he denied it and that it was some poser of his.  I wondered aloud why a picture taken from my condominium was also posted on that account, which was very recent and he couldn't give any right justification.  Ex later turned his fury on Ferns, pakilamera, 'who's he to be saint when he also goes online in PR even if he has a bf' and all the nasty remarks he blasted on Ferns.  That wasn't the issue at all.  I couldn't care less what Ferns does with his life, but mine's should be attended to.  Up to this day, I understand why Ferns detaches himself from Ex, I couldn't blame him.

Now that murky waters have cleared, and nobody to account to (Ex should not deny that it was him this time around, as he posted a new pic with his newly bought diamond necklace), I'm not sure if PR would be the right venue to start building my life.  Maybe a good hunting ground, but this time, I'll be more cautious.

Hush hush for now.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday - Tagaytay Zipline!

I had no energy to write what I did last Thursday, it was simply couch potato day.  I ate 3 bananas and shanghai rolls only.  I updated myself with tv and slept on my gym time (sorry :( ) but I was giddy with excitement for Friday's activity!! hehe  My friend Rori was coming to town!! yuppie!!

His flight was 5am but we were still chatting until 2am:

Rori: 'I still haven't decided what to pack!'

Hush: 'oist! mag.alas 2 na noh!'

Rori: 'what am i going to wear this Saturday night?'

Hush: 'the essentials, white tank top over jeans! hahaaha'

Rori: 'yah, and my push-up bra for enhancements!'

Hush: 'don't forget the shoes!!'

Rori: 'yah yah, stilletos check!'

So it ended up that he had 1 hour of sleep, while I had 3hrs, so as of presstime, he's snoring his ass while I'm writing this post. hahaha

Our agenda for Friday was to pick him up from the airport and go directly to Tagaytay.  We had our breakfast at McDo rotunda and headed off to our main activity.. the Tagaytay zipline and cable car!! yuppie!! :)

I haven't tried zipline and I've heard so much fuss about it.  I first heard of it when Marc Nelson in Sports Unlimited tried it out and I never expected that I would do so! hahaha

The zipline is located within the Picnic Grove and parking was not a problem (though they charge P50 per car and P35 per head within the car).  The picture I took above is quite nice to look at but in actuality, it already lacks in paint and needs polishing :(  

The cost of doing zipline is Php300 during weekdays (2-way, meaning, you get to go back from where you started), while P400 during weekends, same prices for the cable car.  Rori and I spent Php1,400 in all, and it included the following:

              2-way zipline
              2-souvenir pictures - zipline
              2 souvenir mugs
              1 way cable car
              2 souvenir pictures - cable car

We realized that we didn't need the mug after all!! (regrets come in last! hmf).

The ride was exhilarating! A friend advised that in order for us to fully enjoy the ride, we need to be on flying position rather than sitting position.  We heeded her advise and planned to shout 'Darna!!' when we took off.  Amidst the thrill and nerve-racking start, we grew silent when we were pushed out to wilderness! hahaahahahaha  Then when we reached midway, we decided to shriek our hearts out! hahahaha :)  It was fun, hushkins!
(The ride can be taken singly or in pairs, we were too nervous to take the challenged solo hehe but promise, I'll be more brave when I have another opportunity to do the zipline)

Rori said that Bukidnon's zipline was a bit more lengthy compared to Tagaytay's but the depth was more scarier in Tagaytay! 

We rode next the cable car, which Rori found so scary, while I find it  pathetic and incomparable with HK's! hehehe  Mahirap na kung may basis of comparison.  The ride was unbearable for Rori because the car is like an enclosed cage, and the materials were uhm, unreliable?  I moved around and it swayed, to Rori's mortification! hahahaha  I wanted to jump inside but Rori was freaking out and I tried to control my excitement. hehehe I took pictures instead, but he was giving me dagger stares, so I behaved. hehe  Good thing it was a one-way ride!  Sayang pera!! tsk tsk

We wanted to try the boat ride towards the crater of Taal Volcano, but it was expensive for only 2 people (Php1,500 back and forth, and that do not include tip), so we passed that one out.

Fun, fun, fun on a Friday! :)

What I ate (paranoid):

Breakfast @ Mcdo - longganisa meal with large Orange juice (which burnt out when we did the zipline)
Lunch @ Mushroom burger - Royal burger with Tropicana (burnt out during driving? pwede ba yun? hehehe)
Dinner @ Manyann - half rice, salt n pepper spareribs, taosi fish fillet, spicy squid rings and bottomless iced tea (wala na!!) :(

Saturday na!!! :)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wednesday - Narnia!

2nd day of my crash diet, este, mandatory leave. hehe

Went to the gym around 4pm and afterwards booked a ticket for the last full show of Narnia in 3D.  It was between Monsters and Narnia but the ticket receptionist recommended the latter (baka naman kasi mas mahal), but the better side of me heeded her advise.

Since I had time to kill, I roam around Galleria scouting for that perfect suit for our red carpet themed Christmas party.  There wasn't much to see, and I was a bit exhausted from the hour-cardio I had.  I decided to have my dinner (since I only had 3 bananas today, mind you), at Burger King.  The meal (Jr Whopper) was so-so, and wasn't worth the price I paid for.  I mean, I could have a better meal at Yoshinoya or Jade Palace for the same price.  Well, regrets come in late.

The theatre was basically empty and I feel I had the movie all by myself.  No noisy and nosy kids to mess up the dialogues of the film (gosh, Harry Potter was unbearable with all the kids around, and the reason why I didn't blog about it), or the sounds of plastic bags whenever somebody had to take out their food and later crample..  Good start. hehehe

Narnia, voyage of the dawn treader, is a feel good movie.  I haven't read the book so I had to relay on the plot.  The movie focused on both Edmund and Lucy, and a new character, their begrudging cousin Eustace, on their adventure yet again (well for the 2 anyway) to Narnia.  Peter (tsk tsk) and Susan (yehey!) were not major characters in this new film, but Prince Caspien (double yehey!!) was around to compensate for Peter's absence. hehehe  Prince Caspien never failed to excite me whenever the film focused on him and kinikilig ako, for lack of better terminology. hehehe

The highlight for me would be when Eustace turned into a dragon (ooops! sorry) and learned to accept that he is indeed in a place where a rat with big ears talk, invisible people exists and its ruler led by a lion.  Another one would be the ending, where Lucy realized that it was her last visit to Narnia.. I was a bit moved with this scene.

On the other hand, I was a bit disappointed with the 3D.  It wasn't 100% 3D and I feel I was short-changed with the ticket I bought, plus the popcorn and soda came in small package. Hmf!

Overall, it's a movie you may or may not watch.  Up to you really, I'm not a big fan but I simply had nothing to do up my sleeves for the day :)

For my perusal, here's what I ate today:
3 bananas
around 10 oranges (yung super maliliit at cute na oranges, hinde yung malaki ha, ok ka lang)
Burger King - Jr Whopper with Ice Tea, Fries and half-sundae (half lang! hmf)
Popcorn na small with small coke zero


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Tuesday - Laguna

I just arrived from a long drive down South.  I didn't plan anything for the day, and I woke up 11.30am (sweet!) and I ended up in Laguna. hehe

I started the day paying off obligations (bills bills bills!) and as promised, went to gym and had my fix of cardiovascular routines.  Sauna time was uninteresting which I thought should have been at its peak at 7pm.  Maybe it was respite time and show starts at 12nn and the last full show ends at 10pm? Well… hehehe

I had planned to watch Narnia after gym but when I saw the ticket price at Php300 for the 3D movie, I thought twice.  Galleria's movie house isn't really top of the line and the price is quite exorbitant, it wasn't even IMax. hehe  I changed my mind and opted for Starbucks (naku!!) and brought baby Mac with me.

I saw in Ron's (ex from Laguna) shoutout that he was sick and I chatted with him.

'wawa naman you. ano nangyari'

'may sipon ako plus nilalagnat ako', he responded

'you should drink lots of water'

'uu. isang gallon na nainom ko'

'ba't ka ba nagkasakit?'

'eh di ba galing kami ng ate ko sa Bohol and Cebu.  hello naman, ang init kaya ng Cebu' (ay di ko po alam kasi di naman ako nag stalk ng profile mo noh!)  But of course, my response was:

'ahhh.. gusto mo ba dalawin kita?'

'kaw po bahala'

'Bigyan kita flowers.. uhm.. then biskwit  and coffee' I was literally laughing alone, and people were staring at me, baliw. hehehe

'patay ata gusto mo puntahan!'

'hahahaha naglalambing lang.  cge, I'll drive there around 9pm coz it's still traffic. hmmm.. excited ka ba makita ako ulit?' 


'entertain mo ko ha'

'sira ka talaga, ako na nga to may sakit, i.entertain pa kita?'

Hehe and since I had all the time in the world, and all the adrenaline from drinking hot coffee mocha grande, I drove all the way to Laguna.  Puttanesca, ang traffic.  What's wrong with South Luzon expressway??  Di pa ba tapos yang skyway na yan??  I took the skyway but Bicutan was sooo traffic even at 930pm.  I could just imagine commuters travelling from the Metro via South expressway and feel their angst. tsk tsk.  Nagsisi tuloy ako!

I arrived at Laguna at 1030pm already.  I met up with Ron and was a bit shocked on how much weight he gained!  He still looked good but I prefer him the old way.  It was cozy evening catch-up with him and 2 of his friends (one being a comedienne in some bar in Las Pinas) and I had fun with the anecdotes of the comedienne. hehehe  Some of them were:

In a beauty contest, the gay candidates introduced themselves:

'seventy eight, seventy nine, Haiti!!' 

'beep beep! dito na Egypt!'

'daming langaw sa kainan, dapat Tacloban!'

'dahan dahan kain sa beef dahil ma.Cebu!'

There were plenty but these stuck to my mind til now.  Di na kami nag-inuman coz Ron was sick and instead we chugged off the C2 ice tea I bought earlier from the grocery.  Tagayan sa C2. hehehe

I miss hanging out with Ron and his queer-ky barkada.  hay.  

Also, I plan to monitor my food intake for the rest of my mandated leave and for now these were what I took in my tummy tum tum:

11am - Jollibee 2 pc hot and spicy chicken (sheeet la na ang effort but but but it's breast part!)
8pm - Starbucks Mergherita pie and Hot Coffee Mocha Grande (ilang calories yan Jechel??)
3am - tapsilog with rice (ugh. but but but.. I only ate half rice pleaaasseee)

I'm definitely gawking at the list now. hmf! Hush hush!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Forgiveness (Pick-up lines Chapter 4)

Starbucks Makati.  Around September 2010.

'Hot coffee mocha please.  Grande, to go', I ordered.

'One grande hot coffee mocha to go for Hush', Ice the barista called out to the coffee operator, or whatever they call it.

'One grande hot coffee mocha to go for Hush', echoed another barista.

I glanced up.  His gaze met mine.  Gosh, he had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen.  If eyes could twinkle, his was.  He was bronze (or moreno sige na nga), not normally my type, but I was fascinated with him.  Marco (my officemate) later described him as a Jacob "twilight' look-alike (including the nose hehehe).

'Who's he?' I asked Ice since she knew me.

'Marky. Uuuuuyyy, type mo sya noh?', she teased me.  

'hahaha yah, can I get his number?', I chided.

'Tanungin mo, talo kayo teh'


I got my coffee, smiled at Marky and left.

A month after.

'Hi Hush, tagal mo na di nakapasyal rito ah', was the warm greet by Ice.

'Ya, busy with work'  I glanced around.  'San na si Marky?'

'Ahh, pang-umaga sya ngayon but na sya'

My heart sank.  Shucks, I wasn't able to get his number at mag.reresign na sya?? 

'So kelan sya magreresign?' I casually asked.

'Last week na nya next week'  I jot that down in my head.

The week after.  November 2010.

'Ferns, samahan mo ko coffee, dyan lang sa harap ng office'

'hmmm, may pinagtripan ka noh?', was his reply.

'Wala poh', was my innocent response.

I was beginning to be infatuated with the guy.  Naging stalker ako! hahahaha When I saw him again, he literally lit up the place. hehehe  He was on break that time and I asked Ice to introduce me to him.

'Hi', Marky said.

'Hi, I'm Hush :)' (syempre la yung smiley face sa sinabi ko :)), matagal ka na ba rito?'

'di naman, kaka 1 month palang, pero mag-reresign na ako', he smiled.

'ahhh, kalungkot naman. bakit?'

'la lang, I'm juggling 2 jobs now'

'ahh.. hmmm.. you want sama ka sa gimik namin ni Ferns? Mahilig ka ba mag Malate?'

'yup. went there last Black party'

'sige, bigay mo number mo, text kita', was my pick-up line :p

Needless to say, he became my constant textmate and he hang out at my place.  I couldn't sleep the first time he crash over as I was literally staring at him go to sleep, plus he was a Titanic.  I kidded him when he woke up,

'di ata lumuwas ang barko kagabi, panay buga ng makina!'

'har har, gusto mo higupin kita sa ilong ko', gazing at me with his twinkling eyes.

I was mesmerized.  Puttanesca, in love ata ako.

November 29.  Holiday.

'San ka?', Marky texted.

'Dito office, trabaho ng maigi para sa future asawa ko ;)', was my mischievous response.

'Puntahan kita dyan'

'Talaga? What time?' puttanesca, kinilig ako.

'Mga 10pm'


We ended up at Starbucks, since it was the only place open that day.  We had the usual pa-cute conversations and the usual jokes we lash out at each other.  But the moment was cut short because of my big mouth.

'Alis na ako Hush, kelangan ko na pasok eh. May training pa ako'

'Bilis naman..'

'Oo, trainee pa kasi ako, kaya kelangan pa good impression'

'Hmf, nagpalibre ka lang ata ng Starbucks', I realized too late that it was not a good joke.  He took it hard.

'Hoy, magkano ba yang kapi na yan, eto pera'

Jokes are half-meant, I know, but I didn't take it that he was that affected. hehe  He still offered me his goodnight kiss that night and I had apologized sincerely after but I didn't realize, kinikimkim pala nya.  He went AWOL in his texts for the next 4 days and I miscalled and texted him within those 4 days (pathetic, I know - kaya nga hirap maglove di ba), extending yet again my apologies for that reckless remark.

Then he texted Sunday.

'Sorry for the late response Hush.  Don't waste your time on me, sorry to say that'

I carefully calculated my response.

'Ok. If that's what you want..'

'Kasi, masyado ako na affected doon sa sinabi mo.  It was a bad joke'

'I know and I regretted that.  For the past 4 days that you ignored me, I lowered my pride to cajole you back.  I'm only human, Marky, and I hope you'll realize I have good intentions for you.'

There were still messages thrown at each other after, but it only concluded the same.  I have regretted throwing that punchline, and believe me I learned my lesson.. hard.  But I also realized, was it so grave that it deserved no second chance?  Then maybe he's not worth the love I could give, so how much more if I offended him when we will be in a relationship?  Nag.sorry na nga yung tao, lalagyan mo pa ng asin yung sugat?

The rants continue and I guess blogging about it helps to minimize the guilt and pain. Drama. hay.

It's a sad story, hushkins, and I realized, tao din pala ako.  Kala ko kasi Dyosa ako. hehehe

Mandated Leave

Today officially marks the start of my mandatory leave.  A whole week away from the office, and no planned agenda whatsoever.  Hmf.

Every year, our bank requires us to take on mandatory leaves for control procedures to take place, e.g. continuity of business without your presence ("?"), checking whether you had retrieved restricted accesses, e.g. proxy sites for facebook, or installation of games which can cause viruses to the system, etc etc.  But now that the bank has 'gratuitously' provided me a laptop this year (just when I bought baby Mac hay), I don't know how controls department would check my accesses when I brought the laptop with me.. tsk tsk.

I took mine last year around Christmas, where I went on a 2week hiatus to Cebu, but now, I am forced to take my leaves this week as my presence is required during the holidays due to some important project.  I had little time to plan and now the moment has arrived and I still haven't got the vaguest clue yet.  Well, it would be like opening a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you'll get (yah yah, this line is taken from Forrest Gump).

Two things are for sure though, I'll have spare time to update this blog and go to the gym every day! hehehe I plan to surprise everyone when I get back! hahahaha :) fingers crossed.

Hush hush for now.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


I was checking my FB account and I noticed that a lot of my friends have changed their profile pics to a cartoon character of way past.  It is supposedly to stop abuse of children, per one shout-out.  For the heck of it, I joined in.  I thought a He-Man picture would best describe my childhood past-time, but I later realized, pa-mhen effect ko lang pala! hahahaha  I recalled I did love watching the Cedie series aired via ABS-CBN that time, 10am slot. hehehe

I scrolled down to my friends' images, I noted Jon had carebears on, hello kitty here, tazmanian devil there, other anime characters I don't recognize (you sure that was your childhood cartoon character? parang lately lang yan ah!) and of course, my good friend Rori had his sailormoon picture on! hahahhahaha As expected!

I chatted with Jon and we recalled the good times we had during our younger years :)  He mentioned, owz, buti sayo Hush, at least pang-genie ('that was our term for gays then') ang profile pic mo, yung iba nagpost ba naman ng He-Man eh alam naman natin ang hilig nya eh She-Ra!

hahahaha :)

Well, for what's it worth, I hope this awareness program works..

Good memories hushkins :)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Sabado Nights

For the past 2 Saturday nights, I hang out at (mag-thank you ka Jeff! hehehe) and the past 2 Sabado nights, matumal ang benta ng lola nyo. hahahahaha  Tuloy, I can't find any inspiration to blog about my pick-up line series. tsk tsk 

I'm beginning to doubt my prowess.  Am I getting too old for pick-up lines?  Does the crease-line show on my forehead? (wala naman ah)  Am I getting too familiar with the crowd? (yikes!)  Do I look pok-pok already?? (double yikes!!)

For tonight, I plan to shine and raise the phoenix (wag na muna dyosa baka masilaw lahat! hahahaha) in me! For tonight, I'll party til I dance weary!  Tonight, I'll drown my worries away with booze.  Tonight.. I hope my broken heart mends..

"If you stay for a while
Let me hold you tonight
Just open your eyes you will see the light

But stay for a while
Let me hold you tonight
Just open your eyes you will see the light shine 

You don't have to be frozen
You don't have to be broken tonight"

- Armin Van Buuren

To Pass or not to Pass

Bro texted me Tuesday.

'Good evening kuy.. ala man ghapon ku kapasar… :-('

My heart sank.

He had requested me to go to Quiapo to pray for his licensure examination, which I willingly obliged.  I had literally called the heavens for help..

I immediately called to console him.

'ok ra na bro. if dili meant sa imo ang licensya, then di meant..'

'mao lagi.. apply nalang ko nindot ug daku mo.sweldo na companya'

'pagcall center nalang bro. daku pa sya sweldo' (well, that's what I heard and they say it's easy to apply in one)

'mao pud ako huna-huna.. tabangi ko himo ug resume kuy ha'

'sure ba. basta kaw bro'

I don't know where he got it wrong. Last day of examination, I called to check up on him how it was, and he heaved that it was difficult.  I nonchalantly waved the idea, but now that results are in, reality smacks in the face.  My bro was a performer in school before, until around high school.  His academics went south but he excelled in basketball though, but I doubt if basketball would help him in the future.  His degree was decided by my father, which I naturally opposed because it was not my brother's will, but unlike me, my brother is the obedient type, no frills type.  I would say his tertiary studies was a rough road (and I guess, partly I kept egging him why he took such course),  and I wasn't surprise when he didn't pass on the first take.  His heart wasn't in on it.

But times have changed, and so have hearts.  This time, he wanted to pass, I can feel it and this time, I supported him, fully and even financially (no yabang intended here).  But I guess the Fates didn't will it this time.. maybe someday, but now, my bro will have to step forward his best shoes in this brutal jungle we all live in, without the necassary battle gear.  Who knows, he'll survive with just a knife in hand.. and my armalites behind :)

Hush hush for now.

Monday, November 22, 2010

How I spent Ex-Honey's birthday

November 20, 2010.

I still miss him.. I guess.

It's HIS birthday and when the clock struck 12mn, I had my message ready to send already.

'Happy Birthday!! :) may you have all the blessings this world has to give and I wish you all the happiness your heart desires :) take care always'

Effort. hahaha

His reply was:

'thnx. bday gift ko? ;p'

To which I countered:

'Materialistic ka. tsk tsk'

'Sige badtripin mo bday ko!'

Hay.  Can't he distinguish that it was a joke?  Half-meant anyway.  But I really didn't have a gift for ex and for the first time in weeks (when I was thoroughly considering what to give him), I realized, I couldn't care if I had one.

'Punta ka seaside dampa ha maya' he texted.

We had plans that day.  We were to view a condominium for sale in Mandaluyong and decide if we could share ownership.  The unit was nice, loft-type and the amortization bearable if divided between us, but I had that nagging feeling that doing a partnership with an ex is not worth investing in, emotionally.  What if I had someone over, wouldn't that be awkward that ex is around, or worse, what if he had someone around?  Besides, the not-so-good traits about ex would surface, the 'screams' when he would not have his ways, the stubborness.. gack! the idea was horrific!

'Who would occupy the master's bedroom, with the cr on the second level?' I asked.

'hmmm.. I would.. please' putting on that puppy-eye look that I fell for.  Why did I bother asking? hay.

'Then that would complicate things.. maybe its not wise to invest now.. maybe you should save first and buy a prime condominium instead', I suggested.

He pouted.  I tried to ignore him.

We went to Quiapo after, I had promised my brother that I'd light a candle for him to guide him in his licensure examination.  I had no intention to bring Blake to that place, but I was feeling weary to commute that day (I had barely 5 hours of sleep as I left the office at 2am Saturday), so I decided to bring him along and ex mentioned that we'll just park at Isetann to be safe.

'Do you know the way to Quiapo?  I only know how to go til St Jude, if we use Shaw', I asked.

'Let's just use Taft then cross Jones Bridge, I think'

'You sure?'  Ex had the penchant to be sure of things, but end up doubting.

'Wag mo lang ako sisigawan ha, remember whose day it is today' he retorted.  I mean, who wouldn't get frustrated when you relay on someone for directions but can't be relied?  Aber! 

Somewhere along Taft, he said he'll just take a nap, which raised the temperature in me despite the full-blast aircon.  I controlled myself.  Temper, temper. hay.  I glanced over at him, with his Versace shades on.  He does look good at his age.  He gained back his old weight, after losing it some time ago.  I'm beginning to miss his company, the talks we had inside Blake.. =( hay.

We didn't get lost, thank heavens, but Quiapo.. well, Quiapo is Quiapo.  Crowded.  Isetann's parking entrance was very inclined and the passage way very very narrow.  Ex wondered whether the developer of both Shangri-la Mall and Isetann were the same.. hmmm.. it did looked similar.

We were greeted by loud screams when we entered Isetann, but it wasn't directed at us. hehehe  Apparently, Coco Martin (the Coco Martin), was around and ex hurried to catch a glimpse of him.  Ayyy… sumama sa kacheapan! hehe  though I was straining myself not to go over the balcony to have a peek at him myself! hahahahaha hirap magkunyari! hahahaha

Every so often, ex would stop to look around and tinker with the merchandise on the way to Quiapo church.  I had to constantly remind him, Church muna tayo ha bago tayo tingin ng goods ha.  He always gets excited when he finds something that interests him, and later despises it because of so and so defects he notices.  I recalled one time we went to SM Home World and because he couldn't keep his hands still, he broke a piece of decor, which nobody saw except me.  He looked ghastly that time and I pretended to be oblivious of what happened and stuck around, pretending to examine another decoration.  

'Baby, nabasag ko yung isang decor, alis na tayo please'

'Alam ko kaya nga ayoko umalis eh hahahaha'

The look on his face was priceless. hehehe and still he keeps on touching things.

Back to Quiapo.  The Church had that serene effect on me, partly because of the worshippers.  It's the same feeling I get when I visit Sto. Nino in Cebu, but of course, I'm biased with the latter.  I couldn't find where you can lit the candles and pray over them, and the guard told us that its sold outside.

I approached one vendor, and I noticed that she had signs written over her candles.  Red for the Nazareno, green for money, peach for studies/examination etc etc.  I decided to buy the peach candles.

'Wag ka bumili rito, di yan Catholic'

'Eh san ako bibili?  I don't see any candle-lit place inside the church'

'Basta wag ka bibili'

'Hay naku! Magpahula ka narin dyan!! Di ka nakikinig' was his angry protest when I bought the candles still.

'Do you have to raise your voice over me?'

'Eh kasi di ka nakikinig!'

'Eh san ako bibili ng candles eh sabi nga nasa labas, gago!' I was beginning to heat up again.

'Gago ka dyan, araw na araw ko ginagago mo ako!' was his angry outburst.

Hay.  Does it always have to end in an argument?  I pacified myself and ate my pride.

'Wag ka na magalit, magkaka.wrinkles ka nyan!  Punta na tayo Isetann ulit' was my attempt at humor.


We were both hungry from walking.  I was craving for KFC and suggested that we eat there (because I was afraid to try other restaurants there, seriously).  He noticed some restaurant beside KFC (I forgot the name, trust me its forgettable!).

'Dito na tayo eat'

''Ayoko dyan, parang di masarap'

'Hmmm.. anong araw ba ngayon?'

I was about to blurt, Saturday, but I realized that wouldn't be a good reply.  I just shut myself and be the obedient guy that I have always been to him.  hay.

Well, it turned out to be a bad decision.  The food was not good and their turon was horribly dry.  I won't set foot in that restaurant ever!  

Ex said that his friend, Ian, couldn't make it to dinner.

'Sinu-sino ba ininvite mo?'', I asked.

'kaw, si JM at Ian lang'.

I had the hunch that JM wouldn't be able to make it also. 

'Pamasahe na nga lang tayo', Ex said.

We had foot spa first.  Ex wanted a guy masseur when he caught glimpse of a guy employee there.  This is still inside Isetann (bongga!  Isetann beauty ko the whole day! hmf!).  I didn't make a big deal of it.  When the guy masseur came, he went straight to me, instead of ex, and I saw at the corner of my eye, his indignant face.  I laughed and told the guy that ex preferred him as his masseur and that I'll settle for the lady therapist.  The guy had a cute body, but not my type.  Masyadong mukhang top. hehehe

Ex wasn't content with the foot spa, he wanted to have a body massage with the therapist.  I just shrugged and said, ok, I'll just sleep while I wait for you.  I wanted to rest because I only had 5 hours of sleep and beckoned that night. hehehe

'So how was it?', I asked.

'Magaling sya magmasahe'

'Mukha nga.  By the looks of it, mukha nga mapupudpud na paa mo'

'Nag.aral daw sya'

'So did anything happen during the massage?'  I can't believe I was actually comfortable having this kind of talk with him.

'Wala nga eh.  Nahimas ko lang yung sa kanya, pero yun lang.  Pero maliit na tao sya'

I laughed.

'Nagtext si JM.  Di daw sya makaabot sa dinner at 1130pm pa kami kita'

I was right.

'May ka sex guro yun, as usual', I suggested.

You see, that I couldn't understand.  If a friend, a close friend for that matter, is celebrating his birthday, wouldn't you drop whatever you're doing to cheer him on his big day?  I would do that.

'Sa Malate ko nalang sila i.treat', ex said.

'Wow, bait mo sa mga friends na yun noh?  Pero bf mo dati, inaaway mo'  I couldn't help myself.  He grew silent.  I guess I made my point.

We ended up having dinner at Huey Ying in seaside to ourselves.  I had fun, honestly to share his big day with him.. I was kind of sympathetic towards him also, despite his effort to put aside the idea that his 2 closest friends that day, weren't there to celebrate it with him.  It was also kind of sad for me.  I wanted to reach out to him and hug him passionately, but I withheld myself.  It was not the time to be sentimental about it.  That kind of love borders on pity and I don't dig that.

'Do you miss me, Ex?'

He didn't reply for a minute.

'Di ko na inisip yan kasi nagtataxi na ako ngayon'

Ouch.  I guess that pretty sums up everything.

Hush hush for now.**