November 20, 2010.
I still miss him.. I guess.
It's HIS birthday and when the clock struck 12mn, I had my message ready to send already.
'Happy Birthday!! :) may you have all the blessings this world has to give and I wish you all the happiness your heart desires :) take care always'
His reply was:
'thnx. bday gift ko? ;p'
To which I countered:
'Materialistic ka. tsk tsk'
'Sige badtripin mo bday ko!'
Hay. Can't he distinguish that it was a joke? Half-meant anyway. But I really didn't have a gift for ex and for the first time in weeks (when I was thoroughly considering what to give him), I realized, I couldn't care if I had one.
'Punta ka seaside dampa ha maya' he texted.
We had plans that day. We were to view a condominium for sale in Mandaluyong and decide if we could share ownership. The unit was nice, loft-type and the amortization bearable if divided between us, but I had that nagging feeling that doing a partnership with an ex is not worth investing in, emotionally. What if I had someone over, wouldn't that be awkward that ex is around, or worse, what if he had someone around? Besides, the not-so-good traits about ex would surface, the 'screams' when he would not have his ways, the stubborness.. gack! the idea was horrific!
'Who would occupy the master's bedroom, with the cr on the second level?' I asked.
'hmmm.. I would.. please' putting on that puppy-eye look that I fell for. Why did I bother asking? hay.
'Then that would complicate things.. maybe its not wise to invest now.. maybe you should save first and buy a prime condominium instead', I suggested.
He pouted. I tried to ignore him.
We went to Quiapo after, I had promised my brother that I'd light a candle for him to guide him in his licensure examination. I had no intention to bring Blake to that place, but I was feeling weary to commute that day (I had barely 5 hours of sleep as I left the office at 2am Saturday), so I decided to bring him along and ex mentioned that we'll just park at Isetann to be safe.
'Do you know the way to Quiapo? I only know how to go til St Jude, if we use Shaw', I asked.
'Let's just use Taft then cross Jones Bridge, I think'
'You sure?' Ex had the penchant to be sure of things, but end up doubting.
'Wag mo lang ako sisigawan ha, remember whose day it is today' he retorted. I mean, who wouldn't get frustrated when you relay on someone for directions but can't be relied? Aber!
Somewhere along Taft, he said he'll just take a nap, which raised the temperature in me despite the full-blast aircon. I controlled myself. Temper, temper. hay. I glanced over at him, with his Versace shades on. He does look good at his age. He gained back his old weight, after losing it some time ago. I'm beginning to miss his company, the talks we had inside Blake.. =( hay.
We didn't get lost, thank heavens, but Quiapo.. well, Quiapo is Quiapo. Crowded. Isetann's parking entrance was very inclined and the passage way very very narrow. Ex wondered whether the developer of both Shangri-la Mall and Isetann were the same.. hmmm.. it did looked similar.
We were greeted by loud screams when we entered Isetann, but it wasn't directed at us. hehehe Apparently, Coco Martin (the Coco Martin), was around and ex hurried to catch a glimpse of him. Ayyy… sumama sa kacheapan! hehe though I was straining myself not to go over the balcony to have a peek at him myself! hahahahaha hirap magkunyari! hahahaha
Every so often, ex would stop to look around and tinker with the merchandise on the way to Quiapo church. I had to constantly remind him, Church muna tayo ha bago tayo tingin ng goods ha. He always gets excited when he finds something that interests him, and later despises it because of so and so defects he notices. I recalled one time we went to SM Home World and because he couldn't keep his hands still, he broke a piece of decor, which nobody saw except me. He looked ghastly that time and I pretended to be oblivious of what happened and stuck around, pretending to examine another decoration.
'Baby, nabasag ko yung isang decor, alis na tayo please'
'Alam ko kaya nga ayoko umalis eh hahahaha'
The look on his face was priceless. hehehe and still he keeps on touching things.
Back to Quiapo. The Church had that serene effect on me, partly because of the worshippers. It's the same feeling I get when I visit Sto. Nino in Cebu, but of course, I'm biased with the latter. I couldn't find where you can lit the candles and pray over them, and the guard told us that its sold outside.
I approached one vendor, and I noticed that she had signs written over her candles. Red for the Nazareno, green for money, peach for studies/examination etc etc. I decided to buy the peach candles.
'Wag ka bumili rito, di yan Catholic'
'Eh san ako bibili? I don't see any candle-lit place inside the church'
'Basta wag ka bibili'
'Hay naku! Magpahula ka narin dyan!! Di ka nakikinig' was his angry protest when I bought the candles still.
'Do you have to raise your voice over me?'
'Eh kasi di ka nakikinig!'
'Eh san ako bibili ng candles eh sabi nga nasa labas, gago!' I was beginning to heat up again.
'Gago ka dyan, araw na araw ko ginagago mo ako!' was his angry outburst.
Hay. Does it always have to end in an argument? I pacified myself and ate my pride.
'Wag ka na magalit, magkaka.wrinkles ka nyan! Punta na tayo Isetann ulit' was my attempt at humor.
We were both hungry from walking. I was craving for KFC and suggested that we eat there (because I was afraid to try other restaurants there, seriously). He noticed some restaurant beside KFC (I forgot the name, trust me its forgettable!).
'Dito na tayo eat'
''Ayoko dyan, parang di masarap'
'Hmmm.. anong araw ba ngayon?'
I was about to blurt, Saturday, but I realized that wouldn't be a good reply. I just shut myself and be the obedient guy that I have always been to him. hay.
Well, it turned out to be a bad decision. The food was not good and their turon was horribly dry. I won't set foot in that restaurant ever!
Ex said that his friend, Ian, couldn't make it to dinner.
'Sinu-sino ba ininvite mo?'', I asked.
'kaw, si JM at Ian lang'.
I had the hunch that JM wouldn't be able to make it also.
'Pamasahe na nga lang tayo', Ex said.
We had foot spa first. Ex wanted a guy masseur when he caught glimpse of a guy employee there. This is still inside Isetann (bongga! Isetann beauty ko the whole day! hmf!). I didn't make a big deal of it. When the guy masseur came, he went straight to me, instead of ex, and I saw at the corner of my eye, his indignant face. I laughed and told the guy that ex preferred him as his masseur and that I'll settle for the lady therapist. The guy had a cute body, but not my type. Masyadong mukhang top. hehehe
Ex wasn't content with the foot spa, he wanted to have a body massage with the therapist. I just shrugged and said, ok, I'll just sleep while I wait for you. I wanted to rest because I only had 5 hours of sleep and Che.lu beckoned that night. hehehe
'So how was it?', I asked.
'Magaling sya magmasahe'
'Mukha nga. By the looks of it, mukha nga mapupudpud na paa mo'
'Nag.aral daw sya'
'So did anything happen during the massage?' I can't believe I was actually comfortable having this kind of talk with him.
'Wala nga eh. Nahimas ko lang yung sa kanya, pero yun lang. Pero maliit na tao sya'
'Nagtext si JM. Di daw sya makaabot sa dinner at 1130pm pa kami kita'
I was right.
'May ka sex guro yun, as usual', I suggested.
You see, that I couldn't understand. If a friend, a close friend for that matter, is celebrating his birthday, wouldn't you drop whatever you're doing to cheer him on his big day? I would do that.
'Sa Malate ko nalang sila i.treat', ex said.
'Wow, bait mo sa mga friends na yun noh? Pero bf mo dati, inaaway mo' I couldn't help myself. He grew silent. I guess I made my point.
We ended up having dinner at Huey Ying in seaside to ourselves. I had fun, honestly to share his big day with him.. I was kind of sympathetic towards him also, despite his effort to put aside the idea that his 2 closest friends that day, weren't there to celebrate it with him. It was also kind of sad for me. I wanted to reach out to him and hug him passionately, but I withheld myself. It was not the time to be sentimental about it. That kind of love borders on pity and I don't dig that.
'Do you miss me, Ex?'
He didn't reply for a minute.
'Di ko na inisip yan kasi nagtataxi na ako ngayon'
Ouch. I guess that pretty sums up everything.
Hush hush for now.**