Monday, March 14, 2011


somewhere in Mandaluyong

These past few nights have left me sleepless.  As much as I would like to put brakes on time, the clock continues to tick and I tread along, attending to Ex's family's needs, explaining to friends/acquaintances what transpired these past couple of days and the plans for the succeeding days, entertaining a guest, and doing my best at office not to let emotions get in the way of work.. but as night time beckons for me to go home, I'm hit with the cold reality that he is gone.. and I am back where I started.  Alone.

I think to cope.  I remember to treasure.

Lately, I have been trying to recall when our last movie date was, and what movie that was. All I can remember was we were at Shangrila that time, that I presented my Cineplex card and the cashier informed me it was expired already.  The last time I used that card was when Shrek2 was shown. hehe  That was a long time ago.  We had shifted watching movies from Shang to MOA.  I don't know why, definitely not because the latter's movie house is better.  Maybe because Ex likes to roam about the shops prior to watching the movies, or that I like the long drive to get to MOA and catch up with him along the way.  Maybe.

I recall our first movie date.  He kept on reminding me then. hehe It was Startrek, he would say.  I simply forgot.  All I can muster was we were to meet after that night in BED. I had thought it would just be like any ordinary date, faceless.  I didn't realize, he would touch my life.

I was just wearing my brown folded n hung shirt, shorts, cap and slippers.  He was wearing jeans, Adidas shoes and his leather jacket.  He had fixed his hair then.  hehehe He would more than once narrate to me how he felt that day.. He had placed in great effort to look good on our first date and that I look plain. Hahahahahaha That probably singled me out from his fleet of dates as well :)

I think I was the first to arrive at the Cineplex, sat at one of the stools near the popcorns, and waited for him.  When I saw his face, I was kilig.  I was already counting pang-ilan trophy bf ko na kaya to?  Shallow.  I was at my prime then, so I can afford to dismiss him had he shown some faults.  Again, shallow.  I didn't give any clue that I was interested in him, hence the 'dress-down' effect, and even to this day, I would never tell him that.

That was May 10.

Bothered still, I scanned my older posts in FB and I did post my last movie date with Ex.  It was the Rite, starred by Anthony Hopkins.  I recalled I had wanted to post my review comments here but I didn't find time to do so.  Time.  That word again.

We had fun that night.  I recalled we walked all the way from Shang to his place, and we simply talked.  Talked about nonsense.  About the unpredictable twist in the movie and it's possibility of it being true.. then we talked about our plans to move in after my contract expires.  How we would like our place to be, a loft-typed condo so that he could still continue to practice his photography downstairs without disturbing me while I sleep.  It was a cold night, but it felt good.  It felt warm to be with him that night.

That was February 8.  He left me March 8.  A month.

I sooooo want to talk to him.  I want to know if he is happy now, or is he lost.. Will candles light his way to wherever he is going?  Coz if so, I'd light a million and one.. ;(