Monday, October 11, 2010
♀Of being Bullied and Ostracized ♂
Hushkins, I want to join in this campaign (kasi feeling artista din ako! hahahaha).
Seriously, it is indeed alarming that a lot of the suicides in the US is caused by bullying against LGBT. Acceptance is still an issue, and i thought that the US is already open-minded to our lifestyle. It brings back memories of my younger years.. of how I was bullied also.. and ostracized.
Those were the years I'd like to forget. Though it was not that horrific that I have nightmares, but still, those left scars in my life. I've always wondered why my classmates picked on me. I'd come from recess during high school and I'll notice that my back pack was stepped on with footprints on it (I still feel tingles whenever I recall these situations). I'd have a hard time in fitting in, whenever there were group assignments, I'd always end up with the same circle of friends (meaning, gay circle) and not with the other teams. I was scared that they won't allow me to, and having grown up in an all-boys school and stuck in the honor section since grade 4 until I graduated high school, I was basically stuck to the same classmates. One time, I became buddy with Dicky (yes, his name was Dicky and I had no cognition that time what it was meant otherwise), and we talked a lot. I think we got close because of a task I helped him with. His close friend, Tony, teased him to me, that we were a pair, and from there on, Dicky treated me differently =( Dicky in turn joined alliances with Tony and tease me endlessly and torture me emotionally.
When things turned to a different page, when I decided that maybe, just maybe, by being a man and try courting a girl during my second-year in HS, the harassment would stop, I was wrong. Then, my so-called friends (well some of them anyway), back-bited me and even discouraged me with sayings like 'once gay, always gay' or 'acting lang yan'. I felt lost. Where do I fit in?
But these did not falter me from pursuing and proving to the world that I can make it. Never did it occur to me to commit suicide. No, no, no. I thought then that I love myself too much to do that. I stood up to these bullying and Rori would know that I did retaliate when I was aggravated. I knew then that it was Tony's idea to step on my back pack. So what I did was to cut the sling off his Lacoste bag. hahaha I could just imagine the look on his face when he saw his expensive bag useless (I did like that bag). Then, I also threw one of my classmate's scientific calculator in the toilet. Trivial things that avenge the hurt that they did.
So, hushkins, stand up! Stand up to these abuses.
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
They can try,
But they can't take that away from me
- Mariah Carey
Hush hush for now ☼