Sunday, September 5, 2010

and so they say.. Birds of the same feather flock together (My Coming OUT story)

photo taken from

This post may be a bit late, but still I want to contribute my coming OUT story (Theorg-y's collective blogging event).

I was a hermit when I was a kid.  I literally spend my days waking up, going to school, go back home, doing homework and sleep. My mama was afraid to let me loose around our neighborhood, thinking I might be influenced by bad people (drinking, smoking and drugs), which I later learned I was thankful for as I never developed these vices in me.  The best way I spent my free time was reading books, and guess what I was reading?? hehehehe Sweet Valley Twins (bongga!) hahahaha  I got hold of a book by Francine Pascal and from that day forward, I loved how 2 identical sisters, though physically similar, were ultra-different on the outside.. and lo-and-behold, I can relate to Lily, the spoiled rich brat and best friend of Jessica (Elizabeth was too good for me then).  I then learned to love the color purple, the color of royalty, and unicorn was officially my favorite animal and club! hahahahaaha  Eventually, I evolved from Twins, to Sweet Valley High and then to SV University and believe me, I was saving up from my allowance to buy the latest edition of these books, all neatly arranged in my bookshelf, with plastic covers (done by my Mama, I didn't know how to then).

I recall when we we were in grade 4, me and my bestfriend transformed our pencil cases into mini-houses, rooms with sofas, tvs, people made out of paper. While everyone was playing ball out in the sun, we were contented with our own world inside the classroom, didn't want to be exposed under the heat of the sun.   Even one of our barkadas had with him a facial wash, pond's I think (take note that circa 1992, facial wash were associated with females, there were no Nivea for men back then as an excuse to be vain), and he religiously goes to the bathroom to wash his pimply face, to avoid it becoming 'oily'. hahahaha  kulang nalang magpayong kami, but of course, we were afraid of the prejudices that might be thrown our way, even if we wanted to! hahahaha

We were enrolled in an exclusive school (meaning, all boys!) and I guess by the time we got to secondary education, most of our batchmates knew we were a little bit different, we had our tender ways, so to speak.. and this led me to worry that my little brother (who was enrolled at the same school) might give me away to my parents.  I was terrified with the idea that I might be disowned, disinherited ng mana (again yabang lang!).  So I decided to talk to my brother.  This transpired at our room:

Me: Bro, can I talk to you?

Bro: bout what, kuya?

Me: Well, you know, I've been meaning to tell you something.. You know G**, right?

Bro: Yup he's the cousin of my classmate why?

Me: Hmmm... Well I hang out with him and with O*#@* (and I named a few of my barkadas).. well.. I just want to tell you *gulp*... that I'm gay..

Bro: I know.

Me: (a bit shocked - I really thought I was masking myself well around my family) How'd you know?

Bro: imo barkada mga bayot bya.. 

Me:  Are you mad?

Bro: No, I understand.  It's the life you choose... Just don't talk to me about your boyfriends! hahahaahaha

Needless to say, I was relieved! It felt good that somehow I opened up to my little bro.  Up to this day, I'm thankful that he has accepted me as I am and this made us closer (you can only imagine our 'wars' at home before).  Now, I'm even appreciative that he seeks my opinion on the girl he's currently dating..

But I'm not yet ready to open up to my parents..  really.  Even now that I am successful in life and probably can manage on my own, I still can't and maybe won't.  I'm afraid that my Mama will have a cardiac arrest if she knows, and I just can't bear that thought.. hay. such drama.. maybe.. maybe someday..  but at the back of my mind, she probably knows.  Maybe if she'll ask.. but really, I don't know.. I'll cross the bridge when I get there.

Well, honey's bugging me already to finish this off.. Bonding time na daw. hihihihi

Hush hush for now, hushkins *


  1. I really like the conversation between you and your brother... especially when your brother was very frank in telling you: imo barkada mga bayot bya.. hehehe but at least your brother is very open-minded even at his young age at that time... you have a cool lil'bro.. ;-)

    -Noel Cebu

  2. hahahahaha yup Noel, really thought that he'd go blab about it to my parents (my heart was thumping!) and didn't expect his response! We used to fight a lot, and I really appreciate his response and acceptance that day =)