Left with Nothing Right

July 20
Makati City




Everything seems to go on opposite direction these days.  


I haven't slept for the past 2 nights.  Work is getting heavier and my bosses are up my ass, scrutinizing everything that my team does.  My mama just got admitted again, this time at Chong Hua and I am at a loss on where to get the funds.. and when I thought I found somebody I can share my future with, he turned a new leaf and gave me the cold shoulders.  This must be the price of beauty.  Hahahaha sh3t.


'Hush, dinner with Ongkoy at Lorenzo's and desert at Chilis G5', read the SMS I got from Sheila.


Heck.  I'm not one to mull over my misfortunes and pity myself, so I shutdown my office laptop and proceeded to Greenbelt.  I need to find an outlet to lay down my angst and frustrations.  Best pair, food and friend.


'Ongkoy noticed you looked depress these days', Sheila greeted me.


Depress was an understatement.


'He does?  How'd he know?', I tried to cover up by laughing at such silly insinuations.


'You do.  You might be laughing now, but the eyes reveal a lot, Hush.  Let's eat and talk things through', butted-in Ongkoy.  Wasn't aware he was eavesdropping!! Hmf.


Friends.  They know me from head-to-foot, cover-to-cover, leaf-to-leaf.  I can't, damned, hide anything from them, especially Sheila.


'Is this the guy who's making you kilig these days?'


Sheila had that accusatory look.  I avoided eye-contact and instead focus my attention on the gising-gising served by the hunky waiter.  I couldn't decide which would taste yummier.


'You know me, Shie.  I seldom get kilig over a guy.  My gahd, I'm 30 and kilig is so kindergarten!'


'But you were.  You kept on texting me baya'


I stopped and looked at her.


'Awwww.. what happened, Hush?  I thought you were doing well with him'


'I thought I did, Shie.  I thought we hit it off well, he was my Harry Potter date and we can carry on a conversation for hours!!  I showed that I am the gentleman that I can be.  Gahd, I was not even after the s3x with him!  I mean, honestly, I do want to f#ck him, but I am not only after that!'


'It's the people that we fancy f%cking that we fall hard, Hush.  Look what happened to me and Sheila!!', interrupted Ongkoy.


I just had to laugh.  


Darn.  He's right.


'Yah.  I shouldn't have let on that I was in to him.. but then again, I'm old enough not to play games anymore, guys.  Come on, if I like the guy, why waste the time not letting him know'


'.. and what happened?', Sheila mused.


'Well, he stopped texting.  Literally.  He did say we'll talk soon.. This week.'


'Why didn't you demand that you talk there and then??  What's the use of prolonging things when it will all boil down to the same ending??',  Sheila was reasoning out.


'Because he said, we'll talk soon, and I'm giving him that space.. and I'm probably afraid of what he's going to tell me.. and you know me Sheila, I hate drama.. or probably afraid to face the drama'


'Well, you're right, Hush.  Just wait for his text.  If he talks to you, that's it.  If he doesn't, then there are plenty of guys still out there!', Ongkoy chuckled.


'Yah.  I hate myself for getting carried away with my emotions.'


My attention was already elsewhere.  


Warm.  Moist.  Oozing.  Delectably melts in my mouth.

photo grabbed here

Somehow, it soothes the pain.


*hush, hush*